If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
