oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
