From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
