and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
