Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
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Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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