Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
