YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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