I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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