You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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