This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
