i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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