part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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