I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
