You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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