I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
