the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
