I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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