I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
