I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
