Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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