I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
