But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
