you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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