you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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