i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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