Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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