I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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