i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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