she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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