Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
