Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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