I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
