and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
