My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
