Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize