the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
