ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
