I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
