hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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