my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
