I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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