I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
