i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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