Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
