He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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