did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
