Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize