Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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