Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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