I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
