I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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