i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have aggressive nipples.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
