I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
