my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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