I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
