I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
