In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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