threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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