after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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