I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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